I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
