fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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