I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
