Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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