They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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