i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
