Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
