But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
