Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
