cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
