some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
