I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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