I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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