Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
