Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
