I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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