Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
