Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
