I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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