I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
