There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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