Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
