I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
