someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you will always have a special place in my vag
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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