What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
