Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
