so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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