my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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