im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
