How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
