I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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