So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
