I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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