all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
