Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize