My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
