every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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