Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
