My room smells like vodka and shame
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
