i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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