My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
