Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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