Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the day after is always just damage control
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
