Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
