dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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