The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come share oat with me in your robe
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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