i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
