Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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