What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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