he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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