I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
