Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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