he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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