So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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