I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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