First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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