I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
