I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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