After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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