i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
