I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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