please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
