I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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