Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
