Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
