If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
