I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i will never coherently bang her
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
