I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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