Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
