my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize