but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
