im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
