They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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