Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
