Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize