Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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